Tarry a bit

Yogi Berra stated, “when you come to the fork in the road, take it.” This is sage advice. It does not tell you which way to go but that you should go forward.

Times in our fast paced life can easily be tumultuous. We are sometimes so busy with the little things in our life that we forget to live, and we can unintentionally neglect what is important. We can also be so busy making a living that we forget to live. There was a time when I worked a full time job and two part time jobs to support my family. I know I did the right thing but I also missed out on quality time with my two young sons. This is time I can never get back. Kids grow up so fast!

In Proverbs 46:10a it says, “be still and know that I am God.” Sometimes, when we are faced with too many stresses, opportunities or paths that we are overwhelmed, we are paralyzed by fear or uncertainty. We might even be fortunate enough to have too many blessings to choose from. There are times when we should stop, tarry a bit, and seek the will of God in our life.

We have to balance our responsibilities with the people and things that are important to us.  This isn’t always easy.. We have tough choices to make. To make these decisions, we must take our time, seek counsel, and pray for direction. What is it that will lead us to our potential? How can we use the natural talents that we have to bring many others and ourselves joy. Our talents were meant to be shared.

So, when you come to that fork in the road, take it, but tarry first for a bit and choose the path that is best for you. God bless.

Born to Earth, Born to Eternity

I have been away from the blog for the past three weeks. I have been busy in and out of the hospital with Theresa and her father. Fortunately, Theresa is getting better. Unfortunately, Theresa’s father passed away on the 18^th. He was 96 years old. In his life, he touched many lives. He worked as a lawyer and served on planning boards throughout the area. Theresa is one of eight. He worked hard to support his large family.

I could tell the lasting impact he had on his children. Not only was he surrounded by his children in his final days, but was visited numerous times each week for many years prior. He had a long, wonderful life on earth, and I have no doubt that he has begun his new life in the eternal as well. He will also continue to live here in the hearts and minds of those who loved and knew him.

Religions, or the lack of, have strived to explain or answer the question as to what happens after death.  Some believe that there is nothing after death – we’re here and then we die and that is the end of the story. Some believe in the journey of the soul to be transferred into the body of a newborn. Others believe that the soul is reborn into any creation, not necessarily human. Others believe that souls spend eternity in Heaven or Hell. Often people believe a combination of these, not really sure what to believe.

I believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Jesus died for all of us. There are those who defiantly resist God, and they will be dealt with as God sees fit. It is not my place to judge.

Funerals are for the living. They are a ceremony, not only to celebrate the life of the one is no longer alive on earth, but to support the family and say our goodbyes. It is part of the grieving process. Theresa’s father’s funeral was a positive one. I enjoyed listening to the memories and stories. Even though there were lots of tears and crying, it was wonderful to learn how he had touched the lives of so many people.

I was in the Army and so was Theresa’s father. He had military honors at the graveyard. A musician played taps on a very soulful bugle. It brought a tear to my eye. The carefully folded flag was presented to Theresa’s oldest sister.

Charles Spurgeon said, “When the time comes for you to die, you need not be afraid, because death cannot separate you from God’s love.”  I know for sure, that even in death, Theresa’s father will never be separated from the love of his family and friends.

Letters from the Past

Tonight, while I filed a business letter, a file that held letters that I had sent to my family through the years popped open inviting me to read. The letter at the top of the file was one that I wrote to my father a month before he passed. Even though he lived with me, I still found it comforting to write him a letter.

I spent a little time skimming through the letters beginning with the one at the bottom and moving forward through time. I enjoyed reminiscing but was amused at what I found important to impart in the letter at the time seem so unimportant now.

It reminded me of the challenges that present themselves everyday. There are some very serious, sometimes gruesome challenges, but the vast majority of things that worry us, bother us or annoy us really don’t amount to much years later. Many don’t amount to much even days later.

Say you encounter a surly cashier that really dampens your day, do you really want to spend a lot of time being aggravated by that. Will it have any lasting effect on your life an hour from now or a day from now or even a month from now? If you reacted to that cashier with a smile and wished them a great day, you just may have made a lasting effect on them.

Besides realizing that many things that seemed important then are merely moments in my past, it was an enjoyable stroll through time. There were also some treasured memories in there as well, especially those letters that recalled day trips with my children or family events. It was never “things” that were important, it was the time spent with loved ones.

I guess I better start making more memories. I hope that all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and reflected on the blessings that abound around us.

Leaving it up to God

My last two weeks have been very eventful. Things seem to be going in every direction and leaves my mind to wandering. A few weeks ago, we were looking for something to watch on Netflix streaming. We chose “Up in the Air”, a movie about a hatchet man starring George Clooney (which I think was the main driver in Theresa picking this movie). Little did I know that I would soon be experiencing the same type of situation last week. When I got the email to attend a meeting and viewed the other participants, I just knew it was a termination committee. Of course, this layoff was not based on my performance but on reorganizing the structure of the company. I basically took the role of the poor soul receiving George Clooney’s character’s straight forward pronouncement.  I felt bad for the others that received the same email that day as well. It was a very sobering day for all of us.

That was the Wednesday before last and the day before my vacation was to start. I looked forward to the time off to be able to assemble my thoughts and decide on my options. On Friday, we drove from upstate NY to Durham, NC so that we could attend an Eagle Scout Awards ceremony. Although I have never been involved in Scouting, I nevertheless understand that it took a great amount of effort and dedication to achieve such an award. It was a very happy moment and a wonderful distraction.  Upon returning from NC, I applied for five open positions within my company both locally and at other locations, deciding that relocation was a viable option. I am quite hopeful for re-employment. Even if I am not successful, I know that I had, at least, tried.

I suppose that I would consider myself an optimistic-realist. I learned a long time ago that I control very little in my world other than my own reactions to it. Because I know that I don’t or can’t control the world, I have very little in the way of expectations. I do hope that things go well but I know that as long as I do my very level best and leave the rest up to God, I can be proud of the man I see in the mirror, regardless of the outcome.

I know people who like to “control” everything, some intimately. I have always noticed that they are frequently frustrated, worried and upset because the rest of the world is not following the “script” that they have so graciously supplied. I was one of those people, maybe it was my nature, maybe it was because I became the “man of the house” at a very young age, maybe because I was just simply immature. I think the Army changed my mind. In the Army, I wasn’t my own person anymore, I was United States government property. I was told when to sleep, when to wake up, when to eat, when to use the toilet, when to stand still and when to march. As terrible as that may sound to a fiercely independent person, it is there that I did much maturing. I could either deal with it or fail miserably.

I am not in control of what happened to me in the last two weeks. I am in control of how I handle it. I discussed the possibility of long-term unemployment with my family. I got out my unemployment plan. Everyone should have an unemployment plan, even if you are currently employed, not just for unemployment but for long-term disability as well. Basically, what would I do if I became unemployed today and could no longer bring in an income? It is actually best to do this while you are employed because you will have more clarity of thought and emotions are quiet.

I saw an interesting sign on a church marquee, “Faith gives you the ability not to panic.” I like that. I will wait for the eventual outcome of this, knowing that I have reacted rationally and with the best intentions. I know I am not in control. I know that I and all people have free will. I am subject to the consequences of my decisions and am subject to the decisions of others.

God will open doors for me. I have to pay attention and not only look for those open doors but have the faith and courage to walk through them. I have tried my very level best and will continue to do so. I will leave the rest of it up to God. If you are also looking for work, look for the doors that are open to you. Humble yourself to walk through doors that may lead to opportunities never before imagined.

Take care, stay well and be safe.

P.S. When I went to YouTube to see if I could find an appropriate video, God took me directly to this one by Tracy Lawrence called “Up To Him”. I listened to it twice and I cried. It so much speaks to what I am going through right now and how I feel about it. God is truly amazing. The sentiment in the song as to working as if it is all up to me and pray as if it is all up to Him is what started my tears. I believe this song speaks to many of us. Enjoy the video.

 

Forgiving Yourself

We hear much about forgiving others, and we should. Forgiveness is showing kindness and compassion to others, but it does more for those who forgive than those who need to be forgiven. One person we usually forget to forgive is ourselves.

It is natural to be harder on ourselves than others. We feel that we have to earn forgiveness or that we must pay, so we continue to punish ourselves. Sometimes, we continue to punish ourselves even after we ask God for forgiveness. God is always willing to forgive us. It is our refusal to accept this “gift” from Him that does not allow us to forgive ourselves.

Think about your situation and how it would sound coming from someone else. How would you advise them? More than likely, you would tell that person not to be so hard on themselves. That we all make mistakes and we all can be forgiven. This would be very good advice and is good enough to hear for yourself.

Forgiveness has been recognized by the medical community to have health benefits. The benefits are not just spiritual. The Mayo Clinic reports that forgiveness can lead to: lower blood pressure, less stress, less hostility, fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, healthier relationships, and greater psychological well-being.

So, do not let your unforgiveness of yourself prevent you from accepting the blessings and gifts that God offers you each and every day. Continue to forgive others but remember to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is the essential element that frees you from your own private prison. Allow yourself the freedom to forgive yourself, accept God’s forgiveness and to take action, if at all possible, to repair the harm. It is not often possible to make amends. You cannot go back in time or erase words that were said. You cannot make amends for those who are no longer with us. Ask God for forgiveness, accept it and move on. None of us is perfect and we never will be. We can only try our best.

If you are harboring any unforgiveness in yourself or others, I hope that you will find the freedom that awaits you, as well as all the benefits that come with it by learning to forgive.

A Walk in a Cemetery

Before I moved to Holley, NY, I walked my dog in open fields that lay near my home. I do not have such fields available to me in Holley but there is a forest behind a nearby cemetery. I actually find it quite interesting to walk amongst the headstones on the way to the forest floor. The cemetery has been around quite a long time with stones declaring dates into the early 1800s.

The information provided by the headstones varies widely, with some just holding a name and age. Other stones list family members and the departed’s relationship to others. Very few of the stones mention occupation except that there is a section dedicated to those who have fallen in battle. I am not surprised that the most important aspect of a persons life is their relationship to others.

I read some of the headstones and think: what were they like; what did they do; who’s life did they touch. The stones report ages from a few days to nearly a hundred years. Death is indiscriminate. Death is no respecter of lineage, wealth or position. Scanning the headstones, I am reminded that life is so precious. Every one of those stones represent one or more persons. Each of those persons lived a life, no matter how short or long, that touched others. Their life is contained in the dash between the dates. However, the stones that record the death of a child make me wonder why they had died. Was a simple childhood disease that is now cured by simple vaccinations responsible for their early demise? Was it an accident that ended their short, sweet life?

Regardless of the age stated on the stone, I view their lives on this earth as short ones. I myself have been alive for more than five decades, and they passed so quickly. In the older part of the graveyard, the residents have been lying there much longer than they were ever alive. Some have been in the cemetery so long that the carvings in the soapstone wore away.

I like reading the older names: Hattie, Cedric, Lucretia, Judson, and Louisa come to mind. I also remember seeing Prudence and my all time favorite thus far; Silence.

We are here but a short time. Our names and dates may be etched in stone for centuries to come, or maybe not. It is the life we live, the lives we touch, the people we love that is important, now and tomorrow.

Each day is precious. We cannot reclaim the past. Once it has gone by, we cannot go back. We need to make each day count. Live life well. Let those you love know that you love them. Impact the world by your interactions with each individual. Change the world one person at a time.

The cemetery is a quiet place where stories remain untold. I will walk my dog through the grounds to the forest behind. I am sure the residents do not mind. I hope that this finds you well. I hope that you are fit and healthy. I hope that you will make that dash mean something. Take care.

The Clock Doesn’t Stop

Tick tock, tick tock

The clock doesn’t stop.

Tick tock, tick tock

The clock doesn’t stop.

When you’re always on the go,

You want the clock to go slow.

When you want time to go fast,

The seconds seem to last, and last, and last.

Tick tock, tick tock

The clock doesn’t stop.

First of all, I want to apologize for being away from the blog for so long. Ever since my move it seems that I have no time at all. There is definitely not enough time to do all the nothing that I want to do. I honestly haven’t figured it out yet.

If you have children, the difference in time is easily apparent. If you don’t have children, and even if you do, remember when waiting for anything took f-o-r-e-v-e-r. A ten minute wait was an eternity. Ever tried to ask a child to wait patiently, it might last about 30 – seconds. C’mon, we were the same way when we were young. We wanted the days to last forever, refusing to go to sleep until the power of Morpheus overcame us.

It really doesn’t seem fair, does it; when we are enjoying something or just plain busy, time slips by, sometimes unnoticed. Just last Saturday I got out of bed at 8am and in a blink of an eye it was 11am. Then we went to the store and suddenly it was 2pm. I wish my days at work went that fast sometimes.

So what is time? God and the spiritual realm operate outside time. Jesus told his disciples that He would return in a “little while.” That was about 2,000 years ago. If the spiritual realm does have time, it must be much different than our own.

Is time merely an illusion? I am experiencing time, or at least I think I am. I am here in the present. I am aware of the past. I hope for the future. The next minute will be my present in about 60 seconds. Why does the time move steadily on the clock but my experience of time fluctuates so wildly. Why is the shortest period of time I experience occur between 5:30PM on Friday and 5:30AM on Monday. My weekends slip by. How can I grip time, hold the reins, and slow the clock?

As we live, we see time around us in nature. The sun rises, reaches it height at noon and the sun sets. We see the seasons come and go. We watch children grow. So we all realize that time is passing, even without looking at a clock or calendar. We are all given but 24 hours. The only time we really have is the present, the now. Look down at your feet. That is where you are. These moments are precious and they need to be appreciated. It is so easy to get caught up in the act of living that we forget how to live. I am guilty of this more often than I would like. I try to remind myself to slow down, smell the coffee, taste the bacon, enjoy the life that I have been granted. It takes time to hear the quiet, to see the world around us, to sense the stillness that brings peace to one’s heart.

To learn why I am so busy and where my time goes now, I must slow down and reflect. My job is incredibly busy and time consuming and so is creating a home for my new family. I think that I will rest after this writing and seek out the stillness that brings peace. I hope that you can do the same.

Take care, stay well, and be safe.

Pause a Moment and Smile

Life can sometimes be filled with much stress and frustration. I doubt if there is anyone immune. There are still so many changes going on in my life. My workplace keeps changing, which it usually did, but not nearly this intense. I believe the recovery is allowing (maybe even forcing) corporations to rethink their strategies, leading to reorganization, restructure, and rewriting procedures. This can lead to a lot of stress among the ranks and even within management.

While I cannot change all that is going on, I can realize that much is out of my control and look for ways to make the best of the situation. Most importantly, I can purposely take a moment, pause and think about what is really important to me. What is important to me? It is the loving relatives, friends and others that surround my life. It is reminding myself that I am loved and that I am to show my love to others. It is the reminding myself that others depend on me and that I have much to do.

So, I hope that you enjoy this video that my girlfriend sent to me. And, hey, it made me smile. Take care, stay well and be safe.

A Glimpse of a Butterfly

   In this garden we call earth, we get to view beauty and splendor: the greenery of vegetation; the soft petals of flowers; the tapestry of a sunset sky; the patterned randomness of the clouds; the awe of the butterfly. Sometimes we get just a glimpse, sometimes a long look at a butterfly, which chances to come into our view. We behold the wonderment and beauty of its patterns and colors. We look in amazement to how delicate the wings are but yet strong enough to flutter the butterfly away. Then, without warning, the butterfly takes flight and leaves our view. We close our eyes and try to capture the image in our mind’s eye. We attempt to catalog the beauty into that space where we keep precious memories.

   This is how I feel about the funeral viewing of someone you love. It is your last chance to glimpse the beauty and wonderment of the body that represented someone’s life. I wrote and said the following prayer for the children of my Butterfly. I hope that it brought them comfort. I hope that it will bring comfort to you as well.

Viewing Prayer, Laura A. VerDow Santelli, 10/06/1957 – 2/20/2010

LORD*, we come to You now through Your Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

  Before us is the body of Your loving daughter, Laura, my Butterfly, Mom – now and always to these beloved children.  Her body is here for us to mourn, but we know that her soul is alive and dwelling with You.  We are comforted to know that she is no longer suffering, that she is at peace and present in Your Glory.

LORD, I raise these children, Jenn & Chris, up to You.  Comfort them through their grief.  Like others, they will miss their mother dearly.  Their mother was such a large part of their lives.  Help them care for each other and see each other through their life struggles.  Watch over them.  Protect them.  Fill their hearts with the knowledge of Your love and that of their mother.  Let them know the kind of love that never fades.

The apostles asked Jesus when He would return.  He said, “In a little while.” That was over 2,000 years ago.  In that light, we are here but a brief time.  So, Mom, your wait will be short.  Soon, we will be with your loving heart once again.

Thank you, LORD, for blessing these children with such a loving mother.  Thank You for placing her in my life.  Take care of her and love her.  We love her and miss her.  Have mercy on us and keep us strong.

In the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, we pray these things.

Amen

 *The original prayer used Jehovah, one of the many names of God.

My Butterfly Became An Angel

   My best friend passed away in her sleep during the early hours of February 20, 2010. It is not often that a person impacts your life in such a short time. I met her in October 2008. Just 16 months later, she was gone. I was attracted by her kindness and her loving heart. She was seeking the kind of love that was spiritually based. She wasn’t sure that kind of love was even possible. She appreciated all that I did which made it easier to do even more.

   We had a “safe” relationship. We could share anything with each other. She felt comfortable enough to cry in my arms and that she did often. She cried not because she was weak but as an outlet from being overwhelmed while being so strong.

   Butterfly’s children were her life. Their care and comfort were always her first concern. In the short time we had together, she learned that she could take time for herself as well. She did not get out as much as she had liked before meeting me. I made it a point to visit museums with her which always seemed to fascinate her. I even indulged her love for casinos with limits as to how much she could lose.

   Butterfly felt compelled to end our romantic relationship when she was spending time in and out of the hospital. She wanted me to move on so that I would not be tied down by her illness. I balked and argued but she stubbornly insisted. I finally agreed but could not be drawn away from such a loving heart. I kept in close contact with her by phone, texting and weekly visits.

   We continued to feel comfortable with each other. I was honored and privileged to be her emotional outlet. The most profound lesson I’ve ever learned was revealed to me when I cared for my father in the last 19 weeks of his life. You don’t help people die, you help them to live until they can’t live anymore. This was not my goal with my Butterfly as I did not realize her time with me would be so short. But this too has been a lesson. I will now help everyone live until they can’t live anymore as we do not know what tomorrow will bring. I do hope I brought joy to her life. I know that she brought joy to mine.

   I promised her that I would show her what God’s love looked like; that agape love IS possible. I hope that I had enough time to keep that promise.

   To my Butterfly,

   Although your body is here on the ground, I know your soul was heavenbound. I know you’re there in God’s loving care, no longer suffering, but at rest. We will see you soon, when we depart. We will soon again feel your loving heart. I love you deeply. I love you true. We all love you and we all miss you. You are my Butterfly and you always will be. But now you are an Angel; your soul is free. Butterfly, I love you and I always will.

   The Dash!

   There is no fiction in the words above. My Butterfly was known to the world as Laura A. (VerDow) Santelli. She was born, raised and passed away in Newark, NY. Her life spanned from 1957 – 2010. She was 52 when she passed. Hey did you see it? Did you see that dash? That dash represents a persons life. This is how Laura touched my life. This is what her dash means to me.

   If there was a special person in your life, please leave a comment about how they touched your life and what his or her “dash” means to you.

   Take care, stay well and be safe. Love to everyone. – Justin