Leaving it up to God

My last two weeks have been very eventful. Things seem to be going in every direction and leaves my mind to wandering. A few weeks ago, we were looking for something to watch on Netflix streaming. We chose “Up in the Air”, a movie about a hatchet man starring George Clooney (which I think was the main driver in Theresa picking this movie). Little did I know that I would soon be experiencing the same type of situation last week. When I got the email to attend a meeting and viewed the other participants, I just knew it was a termination committee. Of course, this layoff was not based on my performance but on reorganizing the structure of the company. I basically took the role of the poor soul receiving George Clooney’s character’s straight forward pronouncement.  I felt bad for the others that received the same email that day as well. It was a very sobering day for all of us.

That was the Wednesday before last and the day before my vacation was to start. I looked forward to the time off to be able to assemble my thoughts and decide on my options. On Friday, we drove from upstate NY to Durham, NC so that we could attend an Eagle Scout Awards ceremony. Although I have never been involved in Scouting, I nevertheless understand that it took a great amount of effort and dedication to achieve such an award. It was a very happy moment and a wonderful distraction.  Upon returning from NC, I applied for five open positions within my company both locally and at other locations, deciding that relocation was a viable option. I am quite hopeful for re-employment. Even if I am not successful, I know that I had, at least, tried.

I suppose that I would consider myself an optimistic-realist. I learned a long time ago that I control very little in my world other than my own reactions to it. Because I know that I don’t or can’t control the world, I have very little in the way of expectations. I do hope that things go well but I know that as long as I do my very level best and leave the rest up to God, I can be proud of the man I see in the mirror, regardless of the outcome.

I know people who like to “control” everything, some intimately. I have always noticed that they are frequently frustrated, worried and upset because the rest of the world is not following the “script” that they have so graciously supplied. I was one of those people, maybe it was my nature, maybe it was because I became the “man of the house” at a very young age, maybe because I was just simply immature. I think the Army changed my mind. In the Army, I wasn’t my own person anymore, I was United States government property. I was told when to sleep, when to wake up, when to eat, when to use the toilet, when to stand still and when to march. As terrible as that may sound to a fiercely independent person, it is there that I did much maturing. I could either deal with it or fail miserably.

I am not in control of what happened to me in the last two weeks. I am in control of how I handle it. I discussed the possibility of long-term unemployment with my family. I got out my unemployment plan. Everyone should have an unemployment plan, even if you are currently employed, not just for unemployment but for long-term disability as well. Basically, what would I do if I became unemployed today and could no longer bring in an income? It is actually best to do this while you are employed because you will have more clarity of thought and emotions are quiet.

I saw an interesting sign on a church marquee, “Faith gives you the ability not to panic.” I like that. I will wait for the eventual outcome of this, knowing that I have reacted rationally and with the best intentions. I know I am not in control. I know that I and all people have free will. I am subject to the consequences of my decisions and am subject to the decisions of others.

God will open doors for me. I have to pay attention and not only look for those open doors but have the faith and courage to walk through them. I have tried my very level best and will continue to do so. I will leave the rest of it up to God. If you are also looking for work, look for the doors that are open to you. Humble yourself to walk through doors that may lead to opportunities never before imagined.

Take care, stay well and be safe.

P.S. When I went to YouTube to see if I could find an appropriate video, God took me directly to this one by Tracy Lawrence called “Up To Him”. I listened to it twice and I cried. It so much speaks to what I am going through right now and how I feel about it. God is truly amazing. The sentiment in the song as to working as if it is all up to me and pray as if it is all up to Him is what started my tears. I believe this song speaks to many of us. Enjoy the video.

 

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