The Languages of Love

Tonight at the dinner table, after we had enjoyed our meal, we each took The 5 Love Languages ® Quiz. The quiz was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman after decades of experience as a marriage counselor. I had taken the quiz about 3 years ago. My scored changed just a little. I think that this quiz should be taken every 2 or 3 years because our needs can differ from one period to the next as we move through the changes in life. You can find quizzes geared for couples, singles and even children.

  • Words of Affirmation – This includes words of recognition, affection and appreciation. Insults can be very damaging and hurtful.
  • Quality Time – Giving your full, undivided attention counts for a lot, making your loved one feel special and loved. Failure to listen can be hurtful.
  • Receiving Gifts – A thoughtful gift can show that you are cared for and loved. A thoughtless gift can hurtful.
  • Acts of Service – Things done for you to ease your burden can be seen as an act of love and deeply appreciated. Making more work for you can be exasperating.
  • Physical Touch – Hugs, kisses, holding hands, a hand on the shoulder are all elements of physical touch. This language is not restricted to bedroom partners. Non-sexual touch is greatly appreciated by someone who speaks this language as well. Neglect can be destructive.

When you take the quiz, you learn your primary and secondary languages. Even though we can be shown love from all the languages, there are some more important to us than others.

These languages can be mixed for a one-two punch. A person who needs both Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts can feel wonderful when they receive a gift that memorializes an achievement. A hand on the shoulder or a hug coupled with a recognition of achievement can accomplish both Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.

My primary language is Physical Touch and my secondary is Quality Time. It is good to recognize and reflect on your own results. For instance, some of my fondest memories is when I was very young, I would curl up on my mother’s lap while she would caress my scalp and back. I really felt loved. I felt safe. Now, I know that I feel most complete when I am in close physical connection with the one I love.

It is great to know the results of the ones you love. Ask them to take the test. It will help you to understand what is most meaningful to your loved one. You might buy them lots of little gifts but what they want most is your time. Dr. Chapman found, for whatever reason, that we are often drawn to those who speak a different language than our own.

I think that it is important to realize that we change. So what a person might appreciate the most now, might not be the most important act later. A person may have self-esteem issues, so they need to hear words of affirmation. After a period of time, a few successes and accomplishments, their need for words of affirmation diminish. They now may appreciate acts of service more than compliments.

Visit the 5 Love Languages site at

For a fuller explanation and a wonderful resource, buy or borrow a copy of Dr. Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love that Lasts

I encourage you and your loved ones to take the quiz by clicking the link below to go directly to the assessments page
Love Languages Personal Profiles

Share your results with your loved ones and encourage them to share their results with you. That will help you to understand how to best respond to their needs and let them know what makes you feel the most loved. This is a win-win for everyone. Happy loving.



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