Pause a Moment and Smile

Life can sometimes be filled with much stress and frustration. I doubt if there is anyone immune. There are still so many changes going on in my life. My workplace keeps changing, which it usually did, but not nearly this intense. I believe the recovery is allowing (maybe even forcing) corporations to rethink their strategies, leading to reorganization, restructure, and rewriting procedures. This can lead to a lot of stress among the ranks and even within management.

While I cannot change all that is going on, I can realize that much is out of my control and look for ways to make the best of the situation. Most importantly, I can purposely take a moment, pause and think about what is really important to me. What is important to me? It is the loving relatives, friends and others that surround my life. It is reminding myself that I am loved and that I am to show my love to others. It is the reminding myself that others depend on me and that I have much to do.

So, I hope that you enjoy this video that my girlfriend sent to me. And, hey, it made me smile. Take care, stay well and be safe.

Changes, Changes, Changes

We are all faced with changes, little changes almost daily, but sometimes we are faced with major changes. Changes in the major area of our lives, such as employment, residence, relationships, and health, can cause much stress and even joy. All changes cause us some stress, both good and bad. Not all stress is bad. Stress is what can give us the ambition to move forward, to conquer the challenge in front of us. Stress can also wear us down and, if we aren’t careful, can defeat us.

   Like everyone else, I have had significant changes in my life. Joining the Army was a great thing for me. When I first experienced basic training, it was a shock to my system, a cultural shock. I survived. There was a time I wanted to give up, but I was forced to muddle through. I had to find the courage to get through the technical brainwashing of tearing a person down and then building that person back up in the form of a soldier. Sure, that sounds terrible at first, but I am the better for it.

   Then there was the transition of moving from a structured life of the Army back to the civilian life. You see, the soldiers have to give up the rights that civilians enjoy in order to protect those very rights for others. When I entered the Army, I don’t think I really appreciated the freedoms and privileges that I had. When I came out, I knew just how important, just how bloody important, those rights and privileges were, paid for by the sweat, life and blood of soldiers long before I had the honor to serve.

   The next change was marriage. I married a wonderful girl from Upstate NY, as this was the place of my final assignment in the Army. Another big change came when my oldest son was born on my 26^th birthday. Oh, what a wonderful birthday present! Married life was hard. Relationships are hard work. I know that I didn’t get it all right, but I did my best to support my wife and children. It is my opinion that I had a good marriage that ended badly. I will be forever grateful to my loving wife who spent her time and energy to that most noble profession of wife and mother. I will always love her.

   Another change that affected me very deeply was the final days of my father’s life. You can read all of that in my blogs concerning Lessons from Death.

   Now, I am faced with many, many changes. I pray fervently for direction and that God reveals his will to me. This is all happening close together. My challenges are:

• Employment: After a reorganization at my  workplace, I kept my job but the responsibilities have increased and changed. I am still trying to sort out priorities and procedures that will lead to daily success in my job.
• Residence: I plan to move to another town, leaving my home to my son and his new bride. I will miss my home of 12 years. I just love my kitchen and master bathroom. But I look forward to experiencing a new chapter of home, building memories and comfortable, loving surroundings.
• Relationships: I am moving from romance toward a marriage-minded romantic situation based on Proverbs 31. As well as working to stay connected to my, now married, son. My other son is still with me. I recently experienced the death of a loved one, who I often think of and I miss her.
• Health: I am dealing with the ever-growing pain of arthritis and inflammation, and the daily stiffness and challenges that come with controlling chronic pain.
• Financially: I have willingly increased my financial burdens by promising to help my sons, my girlfriend, and my favorite charities even more than before and also increase the amount that I pay towards debt.
• Spiritually: My prayer life has increased with the diverse changes and stresses that are presented everyday. Luckily, someone who loves me dearly, reminds me of my own words to look on the bright side and trust in God.

But, alas, I will survive. These changes are temporary, character building and more of life’s adventures. I know that all of this will turn out for the best. I trust God to guide my course to love, happiness and fulfillment.

   I found a song by Rebelution called Courage to Grow. I thought I would share it here. I hope you enjoy it. My best to all my readers. May you all be blessed with love and abundance. Take care, stay well and be safe.

The Power of Touch

   “Oh, that feels good. A little to the left –  now down –  yep, right there.” No, this is not dialog from an adult movie. It could be something you might say while you were receiving a very wonderful massage.  For thousands of years, people have used touch to sooth, to comfort and to heal. I am speaking about positive touch, not inappropriate touching. There is certainly not enough touching nowadays. Everyone wants their own space. People think negatively about touching. I am a touchy, feely person. I know I make people uncomfortable because I hug them or hold their hand. They are usually resistant at first but usually they appreciate it. Our culture has so many taboos about touch. We equate touch with sexual advance, and that is not always the case.

   Research has shown over and over again that touch and massage greatly improves the survivability of babies, both premature and newborn. The skin is our largest organ. It is our main sensory input when we are born. We explore our world with our hands. How many times have you picked something up to “look” at it. We want to feel the shape, the texture, the weight. And the benefits of touch are not restricted to the very young. Studies have shown that touch affects us at any age.

   People connect through touch. Touch can be the safe feeling of holding hands. It can also be the encouraging pat on the back. It can be a loving embrace that says “everything will be okay. You will get through this.” Touch can even be a hand shake, a soft touch on the back of the hand that says “I am here for you.” Touch can connect you with someone else to heal their soul. Touch is a form of communication. It speaks to the soul.

   Touch is very powerful, and when touch is violent or inappropriate, it can do much damage. It is much like fire – it can cook your meal or it can burn down your house. Touch, like fire, must be used carefully. Touch releases a hormone called oxytocin which helps reduce blood pressure, reduce cortisol (a stress hormone) levels, helps one to relax, increases pain thresholds, stimulates feelings of closeness and trust, and has anti-anxiety effects. Oxytocin also promotes healing and growth. Pregnant women have increased levels of oxytocin to promote bonding with their child. You can view abstracts of studies concerning touch at the website for the Touch Research Institute at the University of  Miami School of Medicine. These are only a very few of the many studies done concerning touch.

   Throughout the Bible, Jesus and others practiced their healing touch, called the “laying on of hands.” Jesus connected with many through his touch. His hands were instruments of power. The followers of Jesus knew that if he would just touch them, they would be healed.

   Theraputic touch has been used to treat chronic pain and immune disorders. It is a powerful tool that activates the healing powers of the body and brings a relaxing sense of well being. Ever had a good massage? Then you know how great it feels and the results often last longer than the touch.

   I like to hold hands. I like to hug. I give kisses on the cheeks. I like to demonstrate to people that I truly love and care about them. I want them to know that it is okay to demonstrate affection. I want them to see that touch does not necessarily lead to sexual activity. Touch can be a pure, sweet, powerful communication tool.

   Increase your “feel good” hormones today. Hug someone you love. Be the pillar of strength for someone to lean on, hold them while they cry into your shoulder. Let them know that they have a safe and loving place in your heart. Connect with them, not only with your words, but also with your touch. Positive touch means positive results. Positive touch means positive people. Use the power of touch to connect with those you love and care about. They will feel even more connected with you.

   I pray every day that God gives me the blessing of a healing touch. I strongly believe in its power. Take care, stay well and be safe.

Adding by Taking Away

   I just said to someone I love that my goal is to add to their life. Then, for no reason I can fathom, it was revealed to me that I add to lives by taking negative feelings and negative beliefs away.

   These are some of the ways that you can ADD to someone’s life:

• Take away the cold and damp by giving them shelter and a warm embrace.
• Take away loneliness by showing them friendship and caring.
• Take away the fear of rejection by showing them that they are loved for who they are now and their potential to come.
• Take away idleness by showing them a vision they can obtain.
• Take away their despair by giving them hope and encouragement.
• Take away their anger and frustration by understanding their point of view and providing different ways to see the same situation.
• Take away their feelings of worthlessness by demonstrating that they are valued. God doesn’t make junk!
• Take away their depression by offering love, support and understanding.
• Take away their poverty by teaching them to monetize their talents.
• Take away their feeling of “being lost” by giving them a safe P.LA.C.E. in your heart.
• Take away sadness by providing joy and situations where it is easy for one to choose happiness.

   How many other negative feelings and negative beliefs can you think of to take away that will add to one’s life?

   I hope you have added good to someone’s life today. I hope someone added to your life today. God bless you.

A P.L.A.C.E in My Heart

   When someone is precious to you, they have a P.L.A.C.E. in your heart; Protect them, Love them, Appreciate them, Care for them, Emotional support. This P.L.A.C.E. is much like home. Home is a place where you feel comfortable and safe. That P.L.A.C.E. is in the presence of someone special. It is easy to consider a physical place a home, but is it really? A physical place without warmth, without memories, without love is just an address, a building, a temporary structure.

   You know instinctively when you are home with someone. You feel safe and warm. You know that you can be yourself. You know that you are in a safe relationship with that person. You miss being in their presence when one of you has to be away.

   Even if you provide a P.L.A.C.E. for someone, there is no guarantee that your love and support will be returned, but that doesn’t mean that you refuse to give it. I am not suggesting that you expose yourself to an unsafe situation, but you can still let them know that you love and care about them and want what is best for them, despite their best efforts to avoid joy.

   Protect them: You cannot change a person, but you can care about them. You can guide them to a path that might be better for them. You provide counsel and direction with love and tenderness. You can ensure that they are safe. You can provide loving services like: making sure their car is in good order; provide nutritious foods; accompany them on outings where they might feel nervous; and prevent them from making mistakes with money.

   Love them: Love them unconditionally. Allow them to know that they are loved no matter what they might do, not that you will condone what they do, but that you will love, guide and support them. Don’t expect perfection but do expect them to do their best.

   Appreciate them: All of us need to feel valued and appreciated. No one likes to feel as though they are being taken for granted. There is good in everyone and we need to continually look for that good, appreciate it and reward good behavior.

   Care for them: Show interest in their well-being, physically, financially, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Commit random acts of kindness that demonstrate your love and appreciation for them. Always let them know that you care for and love them, that you will be available for them.

   Emotional Support: Unconditional love allows a person to feel safe with you. They can cry, laugh, giggle, and blush without feeling embarrassed or afraid because they know that they are loved and accepted.

   Have you provided a P.L.A.C.E. in your heart for others? Do you have a P.L.A.C.E. in someone’s heart? I hope so. I hope that when you are in that P.L.A.C.E., you feel as if you are home.  God will always have a P.L.A.C.E. in His heart for you. My wish is that you will find a home in Him.

My Butterfly Became An Angel

   My best friend passed away in her sleep during the early hours of February 20, 2010. It is not often that a person impacts your life in such a short time. I met her in October 2008. Just 16 months later, she was gone. I was attracted by her kindness and her loving heart. She was seeking the kind of love that was spiritually based. She wasn’t sure that kind of love was even possible. She appreciated all that I did which made it easier to do even more.

   We had a “safe” relationship. We could share anything with each other. She felt comfortable enough to cry in my arms and that she did often. She cried not because she was weak but as an outlet from being overwhelmed while being so strong.

   Butterfly’s children were her life. Their care and comfort were always her first concern. In the short time we had together, she learned that she could take time for herself as well. She did not get out as much as she had liked before meeting me. I made it a point to visit museums with her which always seemed to fascinate her. I even indulged her love for casinos with limits as to how much she could lose.

   Butterfly felt compelled to end our romantic relationship when she was spending time in and out of the hospital. She wanted me to move on so that I would not be tied down by her illness. I balked and argued but she stubbornly insisted. I finally agreed but could not be drawn away from such a loving heart. I kept in close contact with her by phone, texting and weekly visits.

   We continued to feel comfortable with each other. I was honored and privileged to be her emotional outlet. The most profound lesson I’ve ever learned was revealed to me when I cared for my father in the last 19 weeks of his life. You don’t help people die, you help them to live until they can’t live anymore. This was not my goal with my Butterfly as I did not realize her time with me would be so short. But this too has been a lesson. I will now help everyone live until they can’t live anymore as we do not know what tomorrow will bring. I do hope I brought joy to her life. I know that she brought joy to mine.

   I promised her that I would show her what God’s love looked like; that agape love IS possible. I hope that I had enough time to keep that promise.

   To my Butterfly,

   Although your body is here on the ground, I know your soul was heavenbound. I know you’re there in God’s loving care, no longer suffering, but at rest. We will see you soon, when we depart. We will soon again feel your loving heart. I love you deeply. I love you true. We all love you and we all miss you. You are my Butterfly and you always will be. But now you are an Angel; your soul is free. Butterfly, I love you and I always will.

   The Dash!

   There is no fiction in the words above. My Butterfly was known to the world as Laura A. (VerDow) Santelli. She was born, raised and passed away in Newark, NY. Her life spanned from 1957 – 2010. She was 52 when she passed. Hey did you see it? Did you see that dash? That dash represents a persons life. This is how Laura touched my life. This is what her dash means to me.

   If there was a special person in your life, please leave a comment about how they touched your life and what his or her “dash” means to you.

   Take care, stay well and be safe. Love to everyone. – Justin

Relationships and Intimacy

   Valentine’s Day is here and thoughts of romance are in the air. Some relish in their romantic relationships, others are in anguish because they wish for romance. These types of holidays are always bittersweet. I draw your attention to intimacy, romantic or not, and the incredible love that is found there. Like other holidays, Valetine’s Day should be an everyday affair.

   Love is simple, relationships are very difficult. There are so many different kinds of connections that create relationships, not just romantic or physical. This is a list of possible connections that create various relationships with others;

   Social = friends, acquaintances, co-workers

   Family = relatives both close and not so close

   Spiritual = religious, beliefs

   Caregiving = all aspects

   Professional = client, service worker, customer, supervisor

   Sensual = significant other, life partner, sexual

   Greater/Lesser = Teacher/Student, Supervisor/Employee, Parent/Child

       You can connect to others in one or more of these ways. The relationship that you have depends on what connected you in the first place as well as where the relationship may grow or change. Relationships are fluid. They can and do change. Just because a relationship changes, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t remain precious. I still love and care about the women I have known in my life. My wife of 20 years was a wonderful woman. I suppose that there were needs that I could not fulfill and that my wife could not have filled otherwise within our marriage. Our relationship ended badly but it doesn’t erase the many, many years of love, wonder and beauty that we had. I will always be grateful for that time and for her. Other relationships had their own uniqueness and their own treasures and tortures. I will hold on to the beautiful memories and lessons from them as well. I have made friends, lost friends, connected and disconnected with relatives. Relationships are in constant flux. We must accept them as so.

   When someone says “relationship” though, we usually think of a romantic connection, which certainly is possible. In regards to a romantic connection, it can vary in intensity depending on the level of intimacy. Intimacy is a connection that is very deep, very complete and very safe. If you can speak your heart to someone without fear, then you are experiencing intimacy.

   You can share intimacy without sex. You can share sex without intimacy. Sex and intimacy can be enjoyed together.

    Intimacy is not just between lovers. It can exist between any two individuals who allow themselves to be a safe haven for each other. If a romantic relationship also involves intense intimacy, then that relationship is indeed strong. There are different types of intimacy. You can experience one or more of these types. The more ways you experience intimacy with a particular person, the deeper your love and connection can reach.

    Intimacy can be obtained on these levels: emotional, intellectual, sexual, spiritual, and physical. Intimacy means real connection. Intimacy means trust. Intimacy means giving yourself completely to someone because you know they have only your best interest at heart. Intimacy means not expecting perfection but expecting sincere effort and granting forgiveness. Intimacy means the risk of exposing your very soul. Intimacy is an incredible form of love, romantic or not.

  You can share intimacy without sex. You can share sex without intimacy. Sex and intimacy can be enjoyed together.

   Some think sex and intimacy are the same. Mostly men think this. I can say this as I am a man. Intimacy is a skill. It must be learned. It must be experienced. It must be practiced. It comes easier to women, I think, because they are taught to nurture and to be caring, and are probably naturally inclined that way. Boys may be too, but I was taught that boys don’t cry, they don’t show emotion as that denotes weakness, which I have since unlearned. So ladies, be gentle with us. We need to be taught that intimacy is possible and that it is different from sex.

   You can share intimacy without sex. You can share sex without intimacy. Sex and intimacy can be enjoyed together.

    You can have an intimate relationship with people who you have no desire to have sex with. You can have an intimate relationship with a friend, a relative, a mentor, or anyone else you have trust and respect for. Most importantly, you can have an intimate relationship with God. God certainly loves you. God wants what is best for you. God is a safe haven for everyone. Find intimacy with God and you can share yourself easier with others.

   Emotional intimacy allows you to cry, to laugh, to scream, to be still and allow yourself to be loved. Intellectual intimacy allows you to share ideas, dreams and thoughts without fear of ridicule or rejection. Sexual intimacy allows you to give your body and to share theirs for the glory of sensations that our minds and body crave. Spiritual intimacy allows us to solidify our faith in others, in ourselves, and in God. Physical intimacy is a handshake, a warm hug, a kiss, the holding of hands, a shoulder massage, an abandonment of personal space that welcomes the touch and closeness of another. Guys, this is called “cuddling” – a powerful way to show your love.

   During this time of Valentine, don’t just concentrate on romance, but think about all the different kinds of relationships that you have. Think about the level of intimacy that you have with different people. Let those lucky enough to have intimacy in your relationship know how much you love and appreciate them. Love is a tremendous gift and a powerful force. And never forget, grow your intimacy with God.

   God bless you. Take care, stay well and be safe.

Appreciating Little Things Challenge

    As Valentine’s Day approaches, and marketing departments everywhere push their chocolates, teddy bears and cards, people are encouraged to think about their loved ones. Like most holidays, I think this one should be practiced daily.

     Take a few moments to think about the little things that people do for you everyday that show they love and care about you. It is so easy to take these things for granted and forget to appreciate them. Even regular tasks can be filled with love and often are. Someone making dinner might do it everyday because it is part of their responsibility, but there are small touches of love added. Does that person choose foods that is a favorite of one of the kids, maybe a surprise dish, a new dish to provide adventure perhaps. Yes, even the most mundane of tasks  involve love. Does someone check the oil in your car so you don’t have to? Do they change the TV channel so that you can watch your favorite show? Do you recognize these things as appreciation for you, love for you, something that says “I am glad you are part of my world.” Look for these things throughout the day and you will realize how much love truly surrounds you.

    Now the challenge: leave a comment here (if there is no comment box, click on the comment hyperlink near the top of this article) and describe what someone has done for you that shows that you are loved. You can comment on grand things as well but I ask that you concentrate on the littlest of things that someone has done for you to show you that you are loved. Read the comments of others, again, if they aren’t showing, click on the comment hyperlink or the article heading. Please accept this challenge.

   At this time, don’t write about what you have done to show someone that you care, as I hope you do many of those things. This is to help you and all of us to realize that love abounds. By sharing your examples, others will realize that love surrounds them too.  Thank you in advance for sharing.

A Safe Relationship

   While listening to the radio during my commute to work, I heard an interesting conversation about why some people become uncomfortable when things are going well for us when we move to change positively. Having witnessed this before, I was curious as to the direction of the banter.

   One reason presented was that the other person in the relationship may be insecure and feels better around you because of one-upmanship.  They may be thinner or wealthier or happier or feel they have it together more. The relationship is threatened when you move to change the dynamics that exist. They may be supportive of your efforts at first and as you change they realize they are losing their place where they had felt comfortable. They didn’t feel safe because of their insecurity. A safe relationship is one where you can feel comfortable with a person not because of insecurities but in spite of them.

    Everyone should have at least one “safe” relationship because everyone deserves to feel loved. Not “safe” as in an unabusive relationship, which a safe relationship would be, but one where you are accepted for who you are and who you are becoming, especially if you are moving in a positive direction. If you were moving in a negative direction, this same safe relationship would confront you in a loving and supportive manner with concern about what is best for you. Safe means loving in an unconditional way.

    Agape love is often attributed to divine love, and it is a divine love, but it is also a kind of love that we can have for each other. Agape love can be demonstrated by loving parents every day. Parents love their children, even when they misbehave. Parents celebrate with them when their children are doing well. They also guide and support them when their children are challenged. This kind of agape love is not just reserved for God or parents. This kind of love is available to all of us, regardless of the type of relationship we have.

    I hope that you have at least one safe and loving relationship, whether it be with a friend, child, parent, lover, teacher, student or any other close relationship. I hope that there is someone in your life that you feel safe with, where you feel loved, accepted and protected. I hope there is someone there who has your very best interest at heart. I also hope that you are this person to someone else.

    I also hope that you have this kind of relationship with yourself. Do you accept yourself? Do you realize that you are loved and are lovable? Do you work towards your own good? Do you set goals and strive to reach your full potential? Can you be honest with yourself, be merciful to yourself and forgive yourself? God gave us all gifts and talents. Have you found yours? Are you going to open the gift God gave you and share it with the world or leave the blessing unopened? Remember, you always have this safe and loving relationship with your Creator. God always loves you, you just have to accept His love, His grace, His forgiveness.

    Don’t hide your light under a bushel but bring it forth so that it can shine for all to see. I want to celebrate your gifts and blessings. I want to see the treasure that is you because God doesn’t make junk. You are precious, a treasure, a gift to the world and the gifts given to you are to be shared with the world.

    May God bless you throughout the year. Accept the wonderful blessings that abound. Be the treasure you were meant to be. Take care, stay well and be safe.

Thankful

I am thankful for everything that My Creator has provided.

I am thankful for all the caring shown by those who love me.

I am thankful for income tax because it means that I’ve made money.

I am thankful for my retirement account for it is a cushion for my future.

I am thankful for a sink full of dirty dishes because it meant that I had food to eat.

I am thankful for a hamper full of dirty clothes because it means that I have clothes to wear.

I am thankful for my mortgage because it means I have a home.

I am thankful for my pets and friends who always make me feel accepted.

I am thankful to my enemies because it gives me greater appreciation for my friends and loved ones.

I am thankful for my medicine because God gave some the talent to heal.

I am thankful for my job because it allows me to provide for my family.

I am thankful for you because you are a special person and the world deserves to know you as you are truly meant to be.