The Blind Spot

Each workday I travel a busy highway system to and from work. If you are a driver, you already know that there are blind spots that prevent you from seeing and knowing all that is happening around you. It seems that, like magic, cars on the side of us materialize out of thin air. I usually turn my head and check behind me when I am changing lanes, but even then, things might be happen in front of me while I am checking.

Another type of blind spot are the things that keep us distracted. Some of us are engrossed with entertainment media, others with hobbies and activities. There is nothing wrong with escaping the daily grind and enjoying distractions, but there are times we need to check our blind spots and pay attention to what is going on around us.

I am concerned about what is going on in our world. I am very concerned with the success of ISIS. I am also concerned with the growing debts, not only of individuals, but of countries around the world. Greece is just the first example of the debt problems that will soon face other countries. Puerto Rico, our protectorate, is finding it difficult to pay its growing debt. These events should warn us to what might happen with the USA debt that is growing out of control and eventually will have to be dealt with. Austerity, whether voluntary or enforced out of necessity is the only solution to debt. How will our citizens handle the evaporation of government handouts? I believe they will handle it as well as the Greek people, with riots, protests, bank closures, and account seizures.

I believe there are lots of warning signs as to what may lie ahead. We are seeing more and more terror inspired attacks all around the world. It could easily become much worse here. If you are a bible believer, you may have noticed signs such as the blood moon tetrad, the Bethlehem Star, the end of the Shemitah year and the beginning of a Jubilee year, which all points to a fulfillment of prophecy. I also understand that there is a red heifer that can qualify as a proper sacrifice in a yet to be constructed new temple.

I will say that, even though ISIS and other threats, such as Iran, North Korea, and others are popular in the news, as well as horrible events that happen here at home, the vast majority of people are good. I wish that each night the news would highlight and celebrate the contributions of the many people that make our community better. They could highlight an ambulance driver, a soup kitchen volunteer, an afterschool activities director, a police officer, a nurse, a social worker, and so many others. It would remind us that there are great people in our world. That our world is not just full of murderers and terrorists. Of course, I doubt if the media would ever move from its “if it bleeds, it leads” but I definitely hope they will.

So when we are distracted by life, let’s remember to stop and check our blind spots, because we just may never know what we might find there.

Why I Give Blood

I participated in a blood drive recently. When I was done donating, I rested, as instructed, with a small can of cranberry juice and a small bag of raisins. The manager asked me why I give blood. This was my second donation, my first donation took place on 4/25/2014.

I would have started much earlier. I first entertained the idea of donating blood in late 2005. I was told that because I have a heart condition, I was not eligible to give. What prompted me to consider giving is that my father was a cancer patient and required occasional blood transfusions. I wanted to give back to the community and have a chance to help others, like my father. I was disappointed that I could not donate.

Then earlier this year, I read an article that pointed towards a study in Europe that showed that men who donated blood reduced their own risk of heart attack and stroke, and not by an insignificant amount. So, I think of this as a gift of life, not only for those who might receive my blood but for myself as well. And being a gift of life, it is also a gift of love. I will never know who might benefit from my donations. I am not looking for them to thank me personally. It does make me feel good to know that I have helped, and possibly saved someone’s life.

On April 25^th, 2014, I decided to walk into a blood collection drive location. I read the literature there. I asked if I would be eligible. I had also read that the requirements are reviewed time and time again to protect the blood supply. The receptionist recommended that I go through the screening process and I would learn for sure if I was eligible or not. I followed her suggestion. Much to my surprise, I was eligible. There was some concern, but after checking their computers, they decided that my condition did not prevent my donation.

Now, why didn’t I consider it before 2005? I am not sure. I probably was: too busy; afraid of the needle; afraid of the process; not concerned with mortality. None of these were good reasons then or now. The procedure is safe. I don’t like needles, so I just don’t watch. I take a book with me and read during the donation process.

Each donation of a pint (you have 10), can help or even save up to three persons. Blood is constantly needed. The Red Cross Blood services began in 1940, and now supplies about 40% of the blood needed in the US. 41,000 blood donations are needed each day. 38% of the population in the US are eligible to donate blood but less than 10% actually do.

So think about giving the gift of life. You can visit RedCrossBlood.org to learn more. You never know, someone might be alive tomorrow because of your gift today. The need is constant. If you are eligible, it is a gift for them and for you.

But, What If I’m Not?

We have just passed Thanksgiving Day and quickly moving towards the Holiday seasons. It is this time of year that we are reminded to be thankful and grateful for what we have. But, what if I’m not?

Life has its challenges. It has its darker moments for everyone. What if, at this time of the year: you lost someone close to you; you lost your job; you had a medical emergency; you lost everything? What if things just aren’t going well at all..

Hey, it happens. There will be times that will steal our joy and plunge us into the darkness of sadness, anxiety and anger. But these things, too, will pass. It is these times that you find yourself a quiet place, then scream, shout, cuss, curse, cry and just let it all out. But just for a little while, a few minutes or so. Expressing your anger, grief and disappointment to God will let you blow off steam. You will get it off your chest. Does this change anything? Not really. But it does give you a point to move on.

And for being grateful. You can still be grateful. You can be glad that you survived. You can be impressed by your strength to move forward. You can count the blessings of your friends and family. I try to be positive most of the time. But life gets to us all. It is okay to be alone, get mad and yell at the wall. It will clear your mind. And its okay if you break down in tears and let it all out. It is part of healing and moving forward. What is not okay is staying in that place and wallowing in the pain.

So I get it that you might not always be thankful. Life is hard. It doesn’t always make sense. But you get to choose to move on, to go forward, to cope and make it better. And no, I cannot always understand the depth of pain people can feel. But I know that it is never the end. It might be tough right now, but remember, that there is the power to pick yourself up, maybe even with a helping hand. There is something, somewhere that you can be thankful for even if it resides in tomorrow.

So what if you aren’t? It’s okay, there will be another moment where you can. Life is a journey of hills and valleys with lots of intersecting paths. Hope to meet you there.

It’s Always Been That Way

As humans, we usually look for patterns. Even if we go out and look for the exotic, we still find comfort in the routine. We feel comfortable in knowing that things will be as we expect them to be. Life is challenging and ever changing. Events and relationships have a way of upsetting our comfortable setting.

Many times at work, I question why we do things a certain way. The answer I usually receive is that it is just the way it’s always been done. I might even hear, it works, so don’t change it. I like to try to streamline reporting and tasks to make it easier for everyone involved. It usually works, but sometimes what is easier for me, isn’t necessarily easier for someone else. What I change might make someone else very uncomfortable. I am sure that you have had this happen to  you as well. What makes perfect sense to me might befuddle someone else and vice versa.

This can happen in relationships too. We rely on our experiences from our childhood. Our family worked in a particular way, whether we liked it or not, that is the way it was. Sometimes we don’t think it could be different because it’s always been that way.

In a family relationship, especially in a blended family, bringing all these expectations and traditions together can result in a confusing mix of priorities. What is very important to one person may not be important at all to another. It isn’t right or wrong, it is just different. We bring with us our own understanding of what is normal and natural and how it should be done.

What might be very important to one might make another downright uncomfortable. Usually out of love, we genuinely try to respect and honor the differences. But it is difficult to always be mindful of what is important to someone else when it might not hold such gravity with us. It is part of being selfless, but our minds and bodies will remind us of our own needs.

I think the difference between work and home is that we expect work to dictate our actions and activities even when they don’t necessarily make sense to us. We usually do not practice that same flexibility at home, which is both good and bad. It is good that I can be myself at home but sometimes being myself might irritate others, just as they might irritate me. Any time you bring two or more people together for any reason; there is a possibility of conflict. It takes concerted effort to agree to goals and actions and move forward. It’s always been that way.

So we need to be mindful that everyone comes from their own series of experiences that colors their behavior and beliefs. In a work environment, it is to recognize the talents and strengths of those around us. We need to offer our own strengths and talents to lead to success.  In our family relationships we need to recognize that each of us have traditions ingrained in us by our childhood. It is up to us to decide which traditions to keep, which to discard, and which to meld into the tradition of others. In a sense, we need to make new traditions that not only work for us but for those around us.

Change is tough. Challenges are real. Opportunities to be better exist. It requires us to be mindful. It requires us to be present. But then again, it’s always been that way.

The End of the World

Yet another End of the World date has come and gone. But a week ago, the world did end for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. The world of the victim’s families, neighbors, and friends were shattered.

The question is how do we stop this from ever happening again. I am not convinced we can, but I am convinced we certainly can try. The shooter gained access to guns, not through any commercial means, but because they belonged to his mother. How do you stop the use of guns that might be illegally obtained?  I am glad that it has brought attention to the need to provide more services for the mentally ill.

Our culture is becoming more violent overall. Our media presents us with violence all throughout the day with shows, movies and commercials. Violence is not new to media. Even ancient texts recount violent circumstances. What I think is different now is that violence is more prevalent and sometimes celebrated. The overall effect is the devaluing of life, a desensitizing. There is a disconnect between ourselves and the lives of others.

The tragedy at Sandy Hook is disheartening and heart breaking. It does, however, give us the opportunity to explore the effects of mental illness and cultural influence on our citizens. Not only is mental health important, but strong family ties of love and support are equally important.

Please appreciate those around you. Show the ones you love that they are not alone or isolated. The loss of these precious lives should remind out how special life is, and life is special. Life is an incredible gift.

The Languages of Love

Tonight at the dinner table, after we had enjoyed our meal, we each took The 5 Love Languages ® Quiz. The quiz was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman after decades of experience as a marriage counselor. I had taken the quiz about 3 years ago. My scored changed just a little. I think that this quiz should be taken every 2 or 3 years because our needs can differ from one period to the next as we move through the changes in life. You can find quizzes geared for couples, singles and even children.

• Words of Affirmation – This includes words of recognition, affection and appreciation. Insults can be very damaging and hurtful.
• Quality Time – Giving your full, undivided attention counts for a lot, making your loved one feel special and loved. Failure to listen can be hurtful.
• Receiving Gifts – A thoughtful gift can show that you are cared for and loved. A thoughtless gift can hurtful.
• Acts of Service – Things done for you to ease your burden can be seen as an act of love and deeply appreciated. Making more work for you can be exasperating.
• Physical Touch – Hugs, kisses, holding hands, a hand on the shoulder are all elements of physical touch. This language is not restricted to bedroom partners. Non-sexual touch is greatly appreciated by someone who speaks this language as well. Neglect can be destructive.

When you take the quiz, you learn your primary and secondary languages. Even though we can be shown love from all the languages, there are some more important to us than others.

These languages can be mixed for a one-two punch. A person who needs both Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts can feel wonderful when they receive a gift that memorializes an achievement. A hand on the shoulder or a hug coupled with a recognition of achievement can accomplish both Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.

My primary language is Physical Touch and my secondary is Quality Time. It is good to recognize and reflect on your own results. For instance, some of my fondest memories is when I was very young, I would curl up on my mother’s lap while she would caress my scalp and back. I really felt loved. I felt safe. Now, I know that I feel most complete when I am in close physical connection with the one I love.

It is great to know the results of the ones you love. Ask them to take the test. It will help you to understand what is most meaningful to your loved one. You might buy them lots of little gifts but what they want most is your time. Dr. Chapman found, for whatever reason, that we are often drawn to those who speak a different language than our own.

I think that it is important to realize that we change. So what a person might appreciate the most now, might not be the most important act later. A person may have self-esteem issues, so they need to hear words of affirmation. After a period of time, a few successes and accomplishments, their need for words of affirmation diminish. They now may appreciate acts of service more than compliments.

Visit the 5 Love Languages site at www.5lovelanguages.com

For a fuller explanation and a wonderful resource, buy or borrow a copy of Dr. Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love that Lasts

I encourage you and your loved ones to take the quiz by clicking the link below to go directly to the assessments page
Love Languages Personal Profiles

Share your results with your loved ones and encourage them to share their results with you. That will help you to understand how to best respond to their needs and let them know what makes you feel the most loved. This is a win-win for everyone. Happy loving.

I Am a Gift

Eleanor Powell once said, “What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.” I believe we are gifts to each other. Every day I thank God for the wonderful gifts of my sons, Theresa, and all those I have loved in my life. Even though some of those people have moved on, such as my children’s mother, the love for her still remains. The love – their gift – of my parents, now departed, will live on in my heart of hearts.

Sometimes, we just have to change the way we think to inspire ourselves to move forward or do the things that we need to do. I am no stranger to failure when it comes to self-control. I do try. I really do. I am reminded by Oscar Wilde’s quote, “I can resist anything but temptation.” I am trying to lose weight, just like millions of other people. I am tempted by all the delicious snacks that world.

Because the people that are important to me in my life are gifts to me, I would hope that I am a gift to them. As I would not want to give them something that I am not proud of, I want to improve my health for them as well as myself. Because I am a gift, it creates both a selfish and unselfish motivation for me to take care of myself. Better health might prolong my life,giving me more days to enjoy the company of others. Better health means that I might be around to bring joy to my loved ones for a longer period of time. My goal is to lose weight and exercise. A goal that is as much for them as it is for me.

Now that I have a better understanding of the impact of my goal, I hope that it will inspire me to be more disciplined. Since the expectation has increased, I suppose the that failure would feel that much more intense. If I do fail, then I will just try again. If you stumble and fall, as we all do, I hope that you find the courage to stand up, brush yourself off and try again.

No matter how old or young you are, time is short. My first 50 years have passed and I am amazed at how quickly it went. Even if I live another 50 years, it still seems short. I want to take advantage of this gift called life. I want to live it to the best of my ability. I want to share it with as many as care to walk the path with me. Each day that I am given is a gift from God, so that I can be a gift in return.

I am a gift. You are a gift. You have a much greater impact than you imagine. Even though you are not perfect, and neither am I, I am glad you are in the world. Let us be gifts to God, to those we love and to one another.

Patterns

All around us are patterns. Patterns appear everywhere, even when they don’t. We are pattern creatures. Our brains are designed to look for patterns. Our brains examine and recognize thousands of faces. We see patterns in nature: in petals of flowers; sections of leaves; and in the structure of a snowflake. Our bent for patterns even allows us to see patterns where none exist. In the chaotic drifting of clouds, we often amuse ourselves picking out recognizable patterns.

We often find comfort in regular patterns in our lives, even when those patterns produce negative circumstances. We are sometimes afraid to move away from known circumstances that are unhealthy because we cannot be sure what change will bring, even when change might be positive. When we notice patterns in our lives where people care about us and build us up, where people show us that we are supported and loved, we feel more comfortable in changing our circumstances for the better. That is why we need to see and feel patterns that convince us that there are better alternatives. Negative patterns can be broken. When we recognize things are better, we need to be appreciative and thankful.

We need to recognize those patterns not only in our own lives but in the lives of those around us. It is so frustrating to try to help someone who seemingly does not want to be helped. It might be they are too fearful to attempt change. It might be they are too wrapped up in their negative pattern to see a way out. It might even be that they do not want to be helped. Early on, like many, I had to learn that you cannot change anyone, they must change themselves. I also had to learn that I did not always know what is best for them because of the limitations of my own experience. Because of those lessons, I had to learn that there are many that I am not able to help, that I might not be the one placed in their lives to lift them up. But, I just might be the seed that allows them to accept the one person who can.

When positive patterns  that we are comfortable with change, it can be disconcerting. When time set aside for sharing seems to end or slip away, it can leave one  to wonder why the pattern changed. What changed? Can we recapture it or make it better? Does it mark a time for growth or alert us to a problem that needs attention? Is it our time to move on?

Opposites or contrast can help us appreciate patterns. The Bible is filled with contrast: choose this not that; do this not that; wise vs. foolish; good vs. bad; positive vs. negative. Even our tastes are defined by contrast. We expect cookies to be sweet because the pattern has been that all the cookies we eat are sweet. We know sweet because we have tasted sour or bitter. We were trained by the patterns of our experience.

Habits are like patterns. They repeat and establish an expectation. I encourage us all to look for the blessings in life and be thankful for the gifts that abound whether it be God, nature or human endeavor. Your daily actions establish the pattern of who you are. Let that pattern be a positive one.

Good doggie

First let me apologize for being away from the blog. I took an 8 day vacation on the road to visit family and have been tremendously busy with work since.

While I traveled, my sister took care of my dog, Soda. Soda is a Bichon Frise. He was my father’s dog and I promised to look after him after my father passed on.

Pets, in general, are very beneficial. There are those that do not have pets because of allergies, see pets as unwanted responsibilities or as destructive and messy. But, pets can provide companionship, hours of entertainment, act as a sounding board and be a focus for our love, attention and caring. Pets can also serve as protection, or at least as alarms to alert the owner of an outside presence, danger or alert others to the need of help.

Certain health benefits have been discovered by the presence of a pet or pet animal. In general, owners have lower blood pressure which puts them at a reduced risk for heart disease. Pets can safeguard against loneliness and depression. Pets, cuddly ones, can be excellent snugglers. This is one reason nursing homes encourage pet visits to lift the spirits of the residents. Pets can also provide exercise, especially if they need to be walked or require play. Pets can increase social contact because a person walking a dog can seem more approachable by giving people a reason to stop and talk.

Even though you may not be a pet person, realize the importance they can have in many lives by providing unconditional love as well as health benefits. Yes, my dog can be a pain sometimes, excessive barking or if I have to clean up after him, but I love him still. When he sits beside me on the couch inviting me to pet him, it is easy to scratch his head and say “Good doggie.”

The Motherhood of Mom

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said about mothers, “The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men- from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.”

Motherhood is defined as the kinship relationship between an offspring and the mother. Of course this is true, but a Mom is much more than that. A Mom may or may not be the biological parent of a person. A Mom is the woman in your life who nurtured you, cared about you, loved and supported you. I have a friend who adopted a beautiful little girl who is now 12 (Now how did that happen?). Even though my friend is not her biological mother, this beautiful little princess receives the full definition of Mom. She is loved and cherished. This is one example I have experienced to prove that a Mom is more than just a mother. She is the incredible angel that funnels God’s love to and through her children. She has an awesome and beautiful responsibility.

Unfortunately today, many Moms lack support today from a loving husband. Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Many Moms find themselves raising children on their own. They face great difficulty but most seem to manage. Some of these Moms feel weak or somehow inadequate, but I know they exhibit great strength, great courage and even greater love. They pour their heart and soul and every ounce of effort into doing the very best for their children. Of course, there are bad mother’s out there, but never have I met a bad Mom. I have enormous respect for Moms.

“There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child – and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own.” – Robert Brault. I think this is another wonderful definition of Mom and a fantastic view of motherhood. A woman who has a baby is a mother, but it is the practice of motherhood and the exercising of great love and care that makes her a Mom.

Sometimes we see images of a mother as a frazzled woman with flyaway hair frustrated by multiple demands on her time, talents and energies. Although this image may sometimes be real, but it is just this image that shows the strength that women are perfectly capable of. Day in and day out, Moms accomplish so many incredible duties, both of love, life and downright survival. Women, it has been said, are the weaker sex, but I beg to differ. The ability of women to juggle multiple duties with such courage, skill and endurance make them strong creatures indeed.  Being a Mom is tough, hard work, filled with both real and intangible rewards. I implore all of you to think about the things your Mom (biological or not) did for you. Realize that each and every little task done for you is a way to say “I love you.” If they are still alive, make sure you let them know you appreciate their efforts. If they have passed on, thank God for the loving care you were given. To all the women who out there are Moms now and in the future, Happy Mother’s Day!!

Don’t forget to check out the Mom’s Life video that I posted last year. You can find it here:  It’s A Mom’s Life  https://truetobeyou.wordpress.com/2010/07/05/its-a-moms-life/